Spend more time trying to understand, than you do trying to be understood

Early on in grad school three older women gave me some pretty direct feedback that really shook me
Now remember, this is how I HEARD it...
Professor 1 who I greatly admired: "You see, you're an extrovert, I'm an introvert - we get our energy from very different places"
Person 2 who I admire greatly: "You talk too much to reflect as much as you think you do."
Person 3 (who i was apathetic towards until this): "Your voice reminds me of my dad and I hate him.  Can you please talk less." (OK - someone has Daddy issues - but this was beside the point).
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- it wasn't that the feedback in and of itself was bad - all of it meant with good intent (not #3) but it still really bothered me. .
What bothered me was that there clearly was a misunderstanding somewhere - either in how they understand me OR in how I understand me. .
Another person at grad school (who I still greatly admire) mentioned the 7 Principles of Highly Effective People - and the notion that we must "seek first to understand, then to be understood." .
I set out to talk much less (this is a insecurity I used to have that I'll get into another time) and try to understand first - AND not get in my own way.  It wasn't so much that I understood - it was that my desire to be understood was actually getting in the way of BOTH me understanding things and others understanding ME! .
More on this later - Happy HUMP day!!
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#theycallthisadulting
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